DIY

Bad teeth

 

I spend my time engaged in home improvements                  I am rust

tiring work this self-absorption

incessant, monotonous and repetitive                                     on the smooth haft

and if I’m honest, for all the huff and puff                            the sheen a parody

I’ve botched it

I’m not polished or buffed                                                      like atomic numbers

or what my son’s would call “hench”

I’m grey and lined and display all the hallmarks                                that emit the pulses

that come with age. Disappointment threatening to turn to rage

Morbid. Huh. I’m like rubik’s cube                                         of half-lives

a clumsy mystery that frustrates only me

yet deep inside                                                                                    I’ll take them

there is a light-filled space

that harbours peace and would                                                           let me glow

let me know that I don’t need spanners or a wrench

I just need a minute                                                                to be myself

man of the world

swiss army knife

 

she’s going up to do the do

I’m not the man this house should have

the bathroom lights are on the blink

and I’m downstairs making coffee

 

she comes down and looks for tools ( avoiding me )

goes under the stairs and turns off the juice

goes back up armed with a torch

and I’m down here stirring coffee

 

it’s quiet now, no doubt dark upstairs

though there are noises and a commotion

then she returns confused

it’s a mystery, annoying  but she’s put them back

 

so I’m sat here in the error of my ways

not quite composed because she

‘heart’s beating wings’

will come back to me with more energy

 

more things to do because “you know”

the dog won’t walk itself

the washing is in a pile and dust

accumulates with a vigour we must contest

 

these Bank Holiday week-ends

are such a treat and

the weather is a bonus but still it’s best that I

maintain a low profile when anything is to be said or done.

Page 1

Pic for Page.1

 

a white space yawns

asking for infinity to be installed

and I am just a passenger

a wide-eyed boy in search of clarity

still in awe at the awful blankness of space

in those great oceans of unoccupied terrain

that I would people with words and sense

to make a friendly haven in the morning, a berth

a place of solace and comfort where

one  could be left without the lurk of doubt or dread

a place to own and luxuriate in

somewhere to call a home that is

full of warmth and promises

after I’ve scuffed the Welcome mat

and trodden on the post

After Mother’s Day

After Mother's Day. pic

 

in the quiet familiar room

fat, wet jewels sit on the glass above

like buddha’s  through which I see a grey monotony

 

this augurs ill for progress

as it shines reluctant light

on half formed plans

 

and silence clings at the contours

of the view from here

as the horizon yawns, mock idle, sucking me in

 

and there is so much to do

to overcome the apathy

and out-pace inertia

 

to dispel the dank encouragement

of dismal

and light the fuse

for new ambitions

Longing

Chess Mates. I have this sense of impending doom.

 

day by day

the long column

of little steps

ascends, as if

 

no greater power could command

nor small urge arrest

the strident pattern

of controlled desire

 

while sleep conceals

the gnawing pang

daylight reveals the currents

that play with a pain

 

no two thoughts can unwind

without a third that questions

sweet reason

with a sneer

 

and so we live in danger

here and now

and cite past treason

to re-affirm weakness, as if

 

derision was the message

on a welcome mat

as we attempt

to douse the fire

 

and put quiet to bed

the questions

that linger in the threads

and fabric of scented pillows

 

 

so,  sleep well with demons

children please

your softly moulded bodies lay limp

without due diligence

 

as those dreams fade

mutate

and pass into a troubled, yet

forgotten history

I sometimes grieve

Dolls on offer

 

I sometimes grieve

for my place sewn into history

sensing the loss

the uselessness of my contribution

so far

how my past is a honeycomb of spaces

and yawning faces

the time left behind fallow

as in a forgotten field

bordered by vigorous weeds

their colours livid and clinging to

footpaths and bridleways whose intimations go unheeded

and now, NOW

the road is lost

though I know you share it with me

because the ache inside

can’t all be mine

Old photograph

Old photograph. pic-001

 

curling as it dries

on the mantelpiece

a resurrection  of our bonds

with tear drops frozen in amber light

as the day closes around everything

I cannot lose

That photograph, a tied knot, endures

as we age and I reminisce

being lured into our shared past

by casual nostalgia

and a fondness for the look in their eyes

 

All this today we share,

built around the ambition to survive,

so now we erect monuments on shelves in our home

in praise of relics,

those souvenirs of love and loss

that betray us as creatures of faith

How bittersweet it is to acknowledge

that all of it is slipping away

unashamedly facing us but somehow,

if I view it right,

complicit in a kind way

that will allow me eventually

to simply surrender and fade away

a night at the theatre

a night at the theatre. pic

 

I careened through narrow streets

in the darkest of Piccadilly and Soho nights

in ramshackle pursuit of a sea captain

while under my arm I struggled to carry a mattress

and all the time I knew it was absurd

but I kept up a dialogue with him, remonstrating

and arguing with the crew about why and how

he had parked his ship so close

to my car and blocked me in

 

Awake I am left with the residue

of confusion

and amazed at what goes on inside my head

when the day-shift goes out to play

and all manner of other characters move in

to the theatre of my inventions

that bristle with malevolent energy

to prick my pride and expose

my febrile hold on reality

Looking for tense

looking for tense. pic

 

I sit on the fringes and think

that’s my problem

I try too hard

 

all the letters dance untamed

taunting me, as a Lion resists

it’s tamer

 

and in this circus of wills

under the dome and ropes

of a tent that exaggerates

 

each small loss of authority

until I am left spitting

uncouth fragments of the alphabet

 

at the mighty beast

I have imagined as a metaphor

in this ring of despair